WOW has time gone by so fast. I cannot hide that I am pregnant anymore under my vest at work anymore. So they questions begin... I really am not sure what to say to people when they ask when I am due. They look at me crazy when I say I am due in three more months. Well if you want to get technical I am due in over three months. But with twins I don't think they will wait until June 4th. I just tell them I am having twin girls. And most reply with Good luck. And the girls I work with just look at me like if they only knew. Only one of the girls at work tells people I am having twins. And I know it is because they don't want me to have to tell the story about Olivia.
I worked on the nursery yesterday and my mother asked me when I was going to put Olivia's name on the wall. I have told her time and time again that I was not going to put her name on the wall. She tells me I don't have faith in God. Really? Is that not having faith in God? That is the one thing right now that bothers me the most.
I really am up in the air about what to do after they are born. Do I have a memorial or not. Marco does not want one. I really just think he does not want people to see him upset. And I think I need to have a memorial but what do I do?
It does not bother me when I see other woman who are having twins. I am so happy for them and pleased they don't have to go through this. I really would not wish this on anyone. I am so up in the air about going back to work after the girls are born. I LOVE the girls I work with and I think it would help me out to much to work. If I stay home right now I go crazy and get sad but working helps me out a lot. Mentally I need work right now.
I seen a good friend of mine who is a twin's mom today in the store and she did not know about Olivia. I told her and she started crying in the store. She said she could not help it because she carried twins and would not know what to do if something had happened to one of her girls. You go on for the other one and we will grieve when we loose Olivia. I cannot go through this pregnancy sad all the time. At least that is what I tell myself. And it works most of the time.
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I cannot imagine how hard it would be to set up a nursery for just one when you are carrying 2. I understand not wanting to put Olivia's name on the wall, you have to do what is right for you. If there is a miracle (which would be wonderful) then she will be able to lay in her crib to watch her mommy do that honor.
ReplyDeleteI agree, you do not have to be sad all the time. Our pregnancies are the only time we can nurture our angels and finding joy in that will help us reach the end of this journey.