Thursday, February 25, 2010

26 week appointment

We had our 26 week appointment yesterday. We did the blood glucose and hemoglobin test and they were perfect! Also had a sonogram to make sure the girls were growing like they should be and that my fluid in Olivia's sac was not too much yet. With Anencephaly you run a high risk with polyhydramnosis. Which is too much fluid in the sac. The girls were beautiful! It is so neat to see them play with each other. I just wish Marco could have been there to see them. He was have loved it. At one point I turned to Bobbie the sonographer and said "doesn't it amaze you how perfect everything can be, her arms, legs, feet even her heart just beating away. And yet just that one thing wrong means life or death" She turned and said "I think about that every time I see you." She also gets upset when I do. I am blessed to have her doing my sonograms. It shows that she is human.

Anyways the girls are still Olivia head up and her bottom down and Harper was head down and bottom up. They have not changed positions in many weeks now. We could not get any good face shots because the girls were moving so much. I just love watching them with each other. I wish I could tape it and just watch it over and over again. It made me feel good to know that Olivia was moving around. and yet it does make me sad too because I know I am the one keeping her alive right now. And as soon as she leaves the wombs she will go on to God.

Olivia was measuring 10 days behind Harper. And Harper was measuring right to the day were she should be. Harper weighted 1 lb. 6 oz. and they could not get a weight on Olivia. It is normal for a child with Anencephaly to be smaller.

We go back in two weeks to check out the cervix to make sure all is good! I am hoping for mid May. That would be prefect but I know I really have not control over it.

Marco does not want a memorial so I think we will not have one. I think he just wants to move on as best as he can. And this is the only way he knows how to do so.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

25 weeks tomorrow

WOW has time gone by so fast. I cannot hide that I am pregnant anymore under my vest at work anymore. So they questions begin... I really am not sure what to say to people when they ask when I am due. They look at me crazy when I say I am due in three more months. Well if you want to get technical I am due in over three months. But with twins I don't think they will wait until June 4th. I just tell them I am having twin girls. And most reply with Good luck. And the girls I work with just look at me like if they only knew. Only one of the girls at work tells people I am having twins. And I know it is because they don't want me to have to tell the story about Olivia.

I worked on the nursery yesterday and my mother asked me when I was going to put Olivia's name on the wall. I have told her time and time again that I was not going to put her name on the wall. She tells me I don't have faith in God. Really? Is that not having faith in God? That is the one thing right now that bothers me the most.

I really am up in the air about what to do after they are born. Do I have a memorial or not. Marco does not want one. I really just think he does not want people to see him upset. And I think I need to have a memorial but what do I do?

It does not bother me when I see other woman who are having twins. I am so happy for them and pleased they don't have to go through this. I really would not wish this on anyone. I am so up in the air about going back to work after the girls are born. I LOVE the girls I work with and I think it would help me out to much to work. If I stay home right now I go crazy and get sad but working helps me out a lot. Mentally I need work right now.

I seen a good friend of mine who is a twin's mom today in the store and she did not know about Olivia. I told her and she started crying in the store. She said she could not help it because she carried twins and would not know what to do if something had happened to one of her girls. You go on for the other one and we will grieve when we loose Olivia. I cannot go through this pregnancy sad all the time. At least that is what I tell myself. And it works most of the time.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Too many little things to remind me.......

Well we did have a great weekend this past weekend. We went out with friends for dinner for Marco's birthday and had a good time. We did not doing anything special for Valentine's day just spent the day with the kids and family. We got the girls Roses for Valentine's Day and got Maison a gift card so he could get a new movie that is coming out this week.

It seems more and more that little things remind me of what is to come. I HATE having to think about it at all. We watched a movie and Marco talked to Olivia and Harper telling them he could not wait to see them. All I could think is I can wait. If I could just keep them inside for ever I would not have to loose one of them. I would not have to give Olivia up. I try not to cry in front of Marco because I know how hard it is on him. I see a baby on t.v. and start thinking of the girls and how we will only have one of them. I hear a song and it makes me cry.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Appointment with specialist

On January 7th we were to go see the specialist. Hoping that he would say it was a mistake. I know wishful thinking. But hey why not? Our appointment was 40 miles away at 9:30am. Not a big deal. Well it was we had got 7 inches of snow and still snowing. And the wind was blowing 40mph. We saw all kinds of cars, trucks, and semis in the ditch on our way there. there were even state troopers who had been hit by other cars. We made it to our appointment with shear determination and Marco at the wheel. It only took an hour and a half. But we got there.

It was the longest sonogram of my life. I think it was two and half hours. Right away when they started the sonogram and started with baby A. And Marco yells out it's a girl! They did not even have to tell him he could see plan as day that she was a girl. It was pretty funny. At that moment I got worried. I was worried baby B was going to be the boy Marco wanted so badly. Baby A got a clean bill of health. Then they moved on to baby B. Did all the measurements that they needed. The sonographer had a hard time because both babies had there feet and arms in the middle of my belly together. Marco said it looked like rock'em sock'em robots. That is when we found out baby B was a girl too! Two more girls. The brings the total to four girls and one boy.

The doctor came in and talked to us about Baby B. Confirmed what our doctor said about her. We really not too upset. We had ten days for the news to soak in. And now we know what is going on so we needed to prepare. The doctor really made it seem like it was a lack of folic acid. Which I was shocked since I had been taking it since day one. The truth is they don't know what causes Anencephaly. Nor what prevents it!

The day that changed our lives........

December 28th finally was here! I was 17 weeks and 3 days and Marco was off so he was going too! We would be able to see for sure what they babies were. We were so excited. It really is like a child on Christmas morning. I had not seen the babies since November and just could not stand it anymore.

They always start the scan with baby A. The way they decide on how to label them A & B is how they would come out if they are born vaginally. Baby A's head is the lowest down in my pelvic area and B's head is up by my heart. They lie next to each other straight up and down. We were going to do all the important measurements first and then go back and see what there sex was last. They did all of A's measurements and she was so beautiful moving and kicking around. We all just talked and laughed. Then the sonographer moved on to baby B taking her measurements. Then she got very quiet. From that moment on I knew something was wrong. I did not ask. Nor did Marco. She kept on measuring B's head. And just spent a lot of time looking at her head. She said she was going to get Dr. Wellman. While out Marco and I did not say anything.

Dr. Wellman came into the room and I could tell something was really wrong. This is when he told us baby B's head did not close properly. And that from her eyebrows up was not there. She had what is called anencepahly. And would not live long past birth if she makes it through birth. That the stress of birth could kill her. I could not do anything but cry. Cry like I have never cried. And there was nothing anyone could say or do to take that pain away. We would need to go to a specialist in 10 days. I left the office right away. I did not ask for my sonogram pictures and did not care what sex the babies were at that point.

We had to tell our family friends and hardest of all our children. The phone kept ringing because everyone wanted to know what the babies were. We had to tell them news. It was hard. And I know they all hurt very bad too. That night I did not sleep at all. It was like someone just took my heart. The next few days were a blur. But we got through it. We had each other. This truly is a test of our marriage and how strong it is. We just prayed that God would see us through it. God needed our baby for something much bigger then we could imagine. We needed to keep it together we have three kids that need us.

From 12 weeks to 16 weeks

December 7th was our next appointment and also Maison's 12th birthday. We were hoping they were going to do another sonogram so we could find out what the babies were. they did not this time just a regular visit. Now that I look back it was a good thing they did not do a sonogram since Marco did not get to go to this appointment with me. Christmas was just around the corner and I was getting much bigger by this time. I really did not put on any weight anywhere but in my tummy.

Christmas was coming and just three days after that we were to get our gift for Christmas. We would get to find out what these babies were. Everyone had there guesses as to what they were but I knew deep down they were both girls. I was so excited I would be able to start buying matching clothes and all that fun stuff that goes with having twins.

How it all began.......The first 12 weeks

On September 21st 2009 we found out that we were going to have another baby. That day were were 10 days pregnant. A neighbor told me I was pregnant so I took a test just so I could tell her that I was not. Well I took the test and just by the look on Marco's face said it all. I did not need to look at the test.

The next day I started taking Folic Acid like I had with all my other pregnancies. This pregnancy was different from the others. I had cramping and spotting and I was sicker then a dog. Which I had never had the three times before. The doctor had me do blood work three times in six days. My first appointment Dr. Wellman asked me if twins ran in my family. I did not think anything about it since I was only about four weeks along. His office called me and wanted me to do a sonogram 12 days later. I was right around 6 weeks along.

On October 2nd Marco went to the doctor with me. He just happened to be off since it was a Friday. We went in for our first sonogram. We have been through many sonograms before after all this was our fourth pregnancy. With Marco sitting in the chair next to me the sonographer points to the screen and says there is baby number one and baby number two. I said "what"! And the look on Marco's face was priceless. We could not see the heartbeats yet because we were not far enough along. We were in shock and excited too. Twins! Who would have ever thought twins? We were due June 4th, 2010!!!

I went back two weeks later and we did see both heartbeats. We were happy both babies had heartbeats. I had worried about vanishing twin syndrome. I did not know how I would tell people one of the babies would not make it. all this time I still was spotting and cramping. The doctor had put me on progesterone for the first 12 weeks.

Everything was going very well I grew out of my clothes very fast. By nine weeks I was having a hard time fitting in my normal clothes. And so I moved on to maternity clothes.

On November 9th I went in for an appointment I was 11 weeks by then. Time was going by so fast. This appointment was great! Our babies look like little babies. You could see there arms,legs and there little heads. They were so beautiful. I was in love all over again. Everything was great. I had no complaints, I felt great for carrying twins. I had only gained 4 pounds and I was still working full time and able to take care of my house and kids at home. I was SUPER mom!