Thursday, November 18, 2010

Laughter in our hearts

The last 11 months have been this crazy emotional ride. Heck who am I kidding? The emotional ride begain the day we found out we were expecting number 4. And then to learn it was going to be 4 & 5!

Since September I have had a harder time dealing with Olivia being gone and why God wanted it this way. I am not mad at God like I thought I might be. I know it is all in his plan. I know some day I will know. I know it may not be today or even tomorrow. I just don't want her short life to go invain. I want to do something something in honor of her.

I went in to check on Harper today after I put her down for her afternoon nap(she's rolling over now) she was making some noises so I just wanted ot make sure the blanket was not on her face. I get in her room and she as turned half way around the crib(laying cross ways) her blanket wrap around her middle part of her body like she was in a straight jacket. Watching her until she seen I was there. When she seen me she just laughed hysterically at me. It was at that moment I realize she is the key to healing. God gave me a beautiful gift and I need to take the time to enjoy her. They grow up so very fast.

I have opened up alot more with Marco the last few weeks. I am always so worried I am going to make him sad. We talked about what it would have been like right now with twin girls rolling around. About how crazy life would have been with having them both with us. It would have been crazy fun! About how often we think of Olivia.

You never think it will happen to you. That it's just a bad dream and maybe one day we'll wake up. It's been a long dream let me tell you. I think it will get easier after the first year.

On a lighter note.....Harper is now 17 lbs. & 8 ozs. She turned 7 months on the 12th!! She is rolling over all the time now, she like to put her toes in her mouth, when she smiles her eyes light up. When she smiles she reminds me of my older brother Dustin. When he smiles his eyes light up just like Harper's do. Not too many people have that wonderful glow about them when they smile. It's a genuine smile. It is hard to explainbut it's like they have this beautiful energy behind them.


  1. Definitely feels like a bad dream.

    I can not believe its been 7 months! Harper sounds so cute and I can just feel her smile through your words. *hugs*