Happy Easter everyone!!!! And remember why we celebrate Easter in the first place.
Ok my last post was really long. I could not help it there was so much to say. I tried to shorten it out a bit but that was hard. So here I am this morning making another post. Well this is day number 4 that I will have been in here this time. For a total of 11 days that I have spent in here. Can you imagine the bill for this? Thank the good lord for Health Alliance. I hate to see what this bill will look like and that does not include the NICU either.
They came in at fivish this morning to flush my IV because it is not hooked up to any fluids and it hurt pretty bad this time. The IV was to come out today anyways for a new one. So she took it out and the resident said as long as I don't go into labor I can keep it out. Well when they took it out it was bent. No wonder my arm hurt. And then it took a good 10-15 minutes for it to stop bleeding.
Dr. Thomas Gross came in this morning. He cracks me up because he looks like a mad scientist. When I was pregnant with Maison he was my perinatologist and I always said he looked like the professor from Back To The Future except he is very calm. LOL He just has no emotion on his face. Well anyways he came in and asked the standard questions no bright blood, water still leaking, any pain in the tummy, or any odor? Still leaking, no new blood, no pain & no odor. He said he talked to Dr. Renfroe and sh told him we wished to deliver vaginally not by c-section and she was fine delivering one the right way and one breech. So he said he is fine with that as well. So really nothing new with him today.
OH let's not forget I have a stinkn head cold!!!! It is a pain in my butt or my head right now.
I talked to Kathleen last night on the phone. It was hard we both cried for a bit. It just sucks she hurts just as much as I do. It is just so hard knowing what I know. And how this happened. It just makes me mad and angry and frustrated and down right sad!!!!! Look up amniotic bands and you will understand why I feel the way I feel right now. Something so darn simple. Really!!!!!!!!! Anyways it was hard last night being alone. It is hard being alone anytime really. That is why I live on the computer right now.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
31 Weeks & 1 Day A Lot Has Happened in 2 Weeks!
Well I made it to 31 weeks. I went into full blown labor on Friday March 19th at work at about 1:01pm. I was 29 weeks that day. Nothing lead up to this. There was zero warning. Marco was at home with Ava and I had the truck that day. I remember turning to my boss and telling her this is not right I had a contraction that lasted 8 minutes. And only had a couple second break in between the next one. I was really afraid something was wrong with the girls because of the amount of pain. What was going through my head at that point in time was something was wrong with the girls. Deanna, my former boss called Marco and my dad just happen to be at my house and brought Marco & Ava to my work. I was in so much pain it was like someone reached in and grabbed my lungs and trying to push out my behind. They ended up calling an ambulance to take me to the hospital.
When they got me to Saint Joseph Hospital there was about 15 people in the room not including my husband and Ava. I have never been undressed so fast in my life! The took my clothes all in on swoop. They started to put me on the monitors to see how I was contraction and to measure the girls heart rates. The nurse could not find the heart beats on either girl. She did not say anything to us about it but we knew what she was doing. She then turned to one of the other nurses and said we need a doctor in here. I just about lost it!! What the heck! I know that I have to give up one baby but I cannot give up both are you kidding me. Then she found them. All this time I am contracting every 2 minutes. This whole time all that was going through my head was I was not ready to say goodbye to Olivia. I have 11 weeks with her still and it is not time yet. God has only given her to me for a short time and right now he cannot have her yet.
They gave me the fist shot of steroids in my butt. That was fun. And they gave me one med right away to stop labor that did not work. So they gave me good old magnesium via IV. Dr. Nord came in the room to tell me that I was going to be taken to Saint Francis Hospital in Peoria and the helicopter would be there soon to get me. I was pretty upset. I have three children who need me dearly along with a husband who needs me. Well we could hear the helicopter coming in so Ava said goodbye to me. She was crying and would not talk to anyone but me. She climbed up on the bed next to me and put her little head on my arm like she always does. Then we said our goodbyes. It was hard. Marco was going to meet me over there.
The labor and delivery nurse came from Saint Francis along with a flight nurse. They needed 20 minutes of both girls heart beats on the strip before we could get on the helicopter. It took 45 minutes of all that before we got what we needed. The cot they have you on for the ride over is only about 18-24 inches wide. You have to lay on your side and they buckle you in with about 6 belts. You don't move. It only took about 15 minutes to get to Saint Francis. I have to tell you I hate flying in planes, but the helicopter ride was GREAT! All I could think of was Marco would really like this.
It took about 12-18 hours to get the contractions to slow up from every 2-4 minutes. They had me on magnesium and something else. After 5 days at Saint Francis I got to go home. I was so happy and we surprised the kids too! I walked and Kyra was speechless! That was Wednesday March 24th.
two days later on Friday March 26th I woke up in the morning and went to the bathroom and I was loosing my mucus plug and I had bloody show. So I called Dr. Wellman's office and they told me to go to Saint Joseph to get checked out. Well the doctor on call sent me back to Saint Francis. I was able to go back home on Sunday March 28th. But Dr. Renfroe told me if I come back I will not get to leave again. She was right on Monday March 29th my water broke.
I was not sure if it was or not. I had and appointment on Wednesday March 31st with Dr. Wellman. Indeed my water had broke and I was heading back to Saint Francis for the last time.
When they got me to Saint Joseph Hospital there was about 15 people in the room not including my husband and Ava. I have never been undressed so fast in my life! The took my clothes all in on swoop. They started to put me on the monitors to see how I was contraction and to measure the girls heart rates. The nurse could not find the heart beats on either girl. She did not say anything to us about it but we knew what she was doing. She then turned to one of the other nurses and said we need a doctor in here. I just about lost it!! What the heck! I know that I have to give up one baby but I cannot give up both are you kidding me. Then she found them. All this time I am contracting every 2 minutes. This whole time all that was going through my head was I was not ready to say goodbye to Olivia. I have 11 weeks with her still and it is not time yet. God has only given her to me for a short time and right now he cannot have her yet.
They gave me the fist shot of steroids in my butt. That was fun. And they gave me one med right away to stop labor that did not work. So they gave me good old magnesium via IV. Dr. Nord came in the room to tell me that I was going to be taken to Saint Francis Hospital in Peoria and the helicopter would be there soon to get me. I was pretty upset. I have three children who need me dearly along with a husband who needs me. Well we could hear the helicopter coming in so Ava said goodbye to me. She was crying and would not talk to anyone but me. She climbed up on the bed next to me and put her little head on my arm like she always does. Then we said our goodbyes. It was hard. Marco was going to meet me over there.
The labor and delivery nurse came from Saint Francis along with a flight nurse. They needed 20 minutes of both girls heart beats on the strip before we could get on the helicopter. It took 45 minutes of all that before we got what we needed. The cot they have you on for the ride over is only about 18-24 inches wide. You have to lay on your side and they buckle you in with about 6 belts. You don't move. It only took about 15 minutes to get to Saint Francis. I have to tell you I hate flying in planes, but the helicopter ride was GREAT! All I could think of was Marco would really like this.
It took about 12-18 hours to get the contractions to slow up from every 2-4 minutes. They had me on magnesium and something else. After 5 days at Saint Francis I got to go home. I was so happy and we surprised the kids too! I walked and Kyra was speechless! That was Wednesday March 24th.
two days later on Friday March 26th I woke up in the morning and went to the bathroom and I was loosing my mucus plug and I had bloody show. So I called Dr. Wellman's office and they told me to go to Saint Joseph to get checked out. Well the doctor on call sent me back to Saint Francis. I was able to go back home on Sunday March 28th. But Dr. Renfroe told me if I come back I will not get to leave again. She was right on Monday March 29th my water broke.
I was not sure if it was or not. I had and appointment on Wednesday March 31st with Dr. Wellman. Indeed my water had broke and I was heading back to Saint Francis for the last time.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
28 weeks 4 days
I really feeling my body was made to carry twins. A dear friend of mine has been put in the hospital at 32 weeks now and she is also due with twins. She has had many contractions and has been on bed rest since 18 weeks. I pray for her two beautiful babies she is carrying and that God will keep his hands on her and them.
I have been doing pretty good so far not many contractions at all. My weight gain is now at only 12 pounds which I think is wonderful since everything I have read has said with twins people gain 60 pounds. Really if I did not have the belly you would not know I was pregnant. My feet don't really hurt too bad from standing on them all day. Some days are better then others though. Nothing a little TLC cannot fix when I get home from work.
I went to the doctor last week and he said everything was good. He did send me over to OSF for an NST because I did have a few contractions but that was only for about 24 hours that I had those and then when they put me on the monitor they could not get them to register. They had a hard time getting Olivia to stay still so they could track her heartbeat. But no problems out of Harper.
With only 11 and a half weeks left until our due date I think more and more about how I will have to say good bye to Olivia. And that just kills me. I really try not to think about it much because it is so hard. I really feel like it is all just a bad dream and it will all be fine when they are born. I know wishful thinking. My mother and I fight a lot about it because she thinks I don't have faith in God. I have faith in God. If it was not for God I would have gone crazy by now.
We are having maternity photos done on April 1st. The photographer is wonderful. Her name is Jackie at Studio J Photography. She has beautiful work. She will also come to the hospital when the girls are born. I am so blessed to have her doing our photos.
My last day of work is April 9th. I will so miss work really. I know everyone wants me to leave but I just enjoy it so much and my customers are GREAT! I had a little old lady in today she got so excited when I told her I was having two girls. She told me to be careful so nothing would happen to either of them. Little does she know.
I have been doing pretty good so far not many contractions at all. My weight gain is now at only 12 pounds which I think is wonderful since everything I have read has said with twins people gain 60 pounds. Really if I did not have the belly you would not know I was pregnant. My feet don't really hurt too bad from standing on them all day. Some days are better then others though. Nothing a little TLC cannot fix when I get home from work.
I went to the doctor last week and he said everything was good. He did send me over to OSF for an NST because I did have a few contractions but that was only for about 24 hours that I had those and then when they put me on the monitor they could not get them to register. They had a hard time getting Olivia to stay still so they could track her heartbeat. But no problems out of Harper.
With only 11 and a half weeks left until our due date I think more and more about how I will have to say good bye to Olivia. And that just kills me. I really try not to think about it much because it is so hard. I really feel like it is all just a bad dream and it will all be fine when they are born. I know wishful thinking. My mother and I fight a lot about it because she thinks I don't have faith in God. I have faith in God. If it was not for God I would have gone crazy by now.
We are having maternity photos done on April 1st. The photographer is wonderful. Her name is Jackie at Studio J Photography. She has beautiful work. She will also come to the hospital when the girls are born. I am so blessed to have her doing our photos.
My last day of work is April 9th. I will so miss work really. I know everyone wants me to leave but I just enjoy it so much and my customers are GREAT! I had a little old lady in today she got so excited when I told her I was having two girls. She told me to be careful so nothing would happen to either of them. Little does she know.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
26 week appointment
We had our 26 week appointment yesterday. We did the blood glucose and hemoglobin test and they were perfect! Also had a sonogram to make sure the girls were growing like they should be and that my fluid in Olivia's sac was not too much yet. With Anencephaly you run a high risk with polyhydramnosis. Which is too much fluid in the sac. The girls were beautiful! It is so neat to see them play with each other. I just wish Marco could have been there to see them. He was have loved it. At one point I turned to Bobbie the sonographer and said "doesn't it amaze you how perfect everything can be, her arms, legs, feet even her heart just beating away. And yet just that one thing wrong means life or death" She turned and said "I think about that every time I see you." She also gets upset when I do. I am blessed to have her doing my sonograms. It shows that she is human.
Anyways the girls are still Olivia head up and her bottom down and Harper was head down and bottom up. They have not changed positions in many weeks now. We could not get any good face shots because the girls were moving so much. I just love watching them with each other. I wish I could tape it and just watch it over and over again. It made me feel good to know that Olivia was moving around. and yet it does make me sad too because I know I am the one keeping her alive right now. And as soon as she leaves the wombs she will go on to God.
Olivia was measuring 10 days behind Harper. And Harper was measuring right to the day were she should be. Harper weighted 1 lb. 6 oz. and they could not get a weight on Olivia. It is normal for a child with Anencephaly to be smaller.
We go back in two weeks to check out the cervix to make sure all is good! I am hoping for mid May. That would be prefect but I know I really have not control over it.
Marco does not want a memorial so I think we will not have one. I think he just wants to move on as best as he can. And this is the only way he knows how to do so.
Anyways the girls are still Olivia head up and her bottom down and Harper was head down and bottom up. They have not changed positions in many weeks now. We could not get any good face shots because the girls were moving so much. I just love watching them with each other. I wish I could tape it and just watch it over and over again. It made me feel good to know that Olivia was moving around. and yet it does make me sad too because I know I am the one keeping her alive right now. And as soon as she leaves the wombs she will go on to God.
Olivia was measuring 10 days behind Harper. And Harper was measuring right to the day were she should be. Harper weighted 1 lb. 6 oz. and they could not get a weight on Olivia. It is normal for a child with Anencephaly to be smaller.
We go back in two weeks to check out the cervix to make sure all is good! I am hoping for mid May. That would be prefect but I know I really have not control over it.
Marco does not want a memorial so I think we will not have one. I think he just wants to move on as best as he can. And this is the only way he knows how to do so.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
25 weeks tomorrow
WOW has time gone by so fast. I cannot hide that I am pregnant anymore under my vest at work anymore. So they questions begin... I really am not sure what to say to people when they ask when I am due. They look at me crazy when I say I am due in three more months. Well if you want to get technical I am due in over three months. But with twins I don't think they will wait until June 4th. I just tell them I am having twin girls. And most reply with Good luck. And the girls I work with just look at me like if they only knew. Only one of the girls at work tells people I am having twins. And I know it is because they don't want me to have to tell the story about Olivia.
I worked on the nursery yesterday and my mother asked me when I was going to put Olivia's name on the wall. I have told her time and time again that I was not going to put her name on the wall. She tells me I don't have faith in God. Really? Is that not having faith in God? That is the one thing right now that bothers me the most.
I really am up in the air about what to do after they are born. Do I have a memorial or not. Marco does not want one. I really just think he does not want people to see him upset. And I think I need to have a memorial but what do I do?
It does not bother me when I see other woman who are having twins. I am so happy for them and pleased they don't have to go through this. I really would not wish this on anyone. I am so up in the air about going back to work after the girls are born. I LOVE the girls I work with and I think it would help me out to much to work. If I stay home right now I go crazy and get sad but working helps me out a lot. Mentally I need work right now.
I seen a good friend of mine who is a twin's mom today in the store and she did not know about Olivia. I told her and she started crying in the store. She said she could not help it because she carried twins and would not know what to do if something had happened to one of her girls. You go on for the other one and we will grieve when we loose Olivia. I cannot go through this pregnancy sad all the time. At least that is what I tell myself. And it works most of the time.
I worked on the nursery yesterday and my mother asked me when I was going to put Olivia's name on the wall. I have told her time and time again that I was not going to put her name on the wall. She tells me I don't have faith in God. Really? Is that not having faith in God? That is the one thing right now that bothers me the most.
I really am up in the air about what to do after they are born. Do I have a memorial or not. Marco does not want one. I really just think he does not want people to see him upset. And I think I need to have a memorial but what do I do?
It does not bother me when I see other woman who are having twins. I am so happy for them and pleased they don't have to go through this. I really would not wish this on anyone. I am so up in the air about going back to work after the girls are born. I LOVE the girls I work with and I think it would help me out to much to work. If I stay home right now I go crazy and get sad but working helps me out a lot. Mentally I need work right now.
I seen a good friend of mine who is a twin's mom today in the store and she did not know about Olivia. I told her and she started crying in the store. She said she could not help it because she carried twins and would not know what to do if something had happened to one of her girls. You go on for the other one and we will grieve when we loose Olivia. I cannot go through this pregnancy sad all the time. At least that is what I tell myself. And it works most of the time.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Too many little things to remind me.......
Well we did have a great weekend this past weekend. We went out with friends for dinner for Marco's birthday and had a good time. We did not doing anything special for Valentine's day just spent the day with the kids and family. We got the girls Roses for Valentine's Day and got Maison a gift card so he could get a new movie that is coming out this week.
It seems more and more that little things remind me of what is to come. I HATE having to think about it at all. We watched a movie and Marco talked to Olivia and Harper telling them he could not wait to see them. All I could think is I can wait. If I could just keep them inside for ever I would not have to loose one of them. I would not have to give Olivia up. I try not to cry in front of Marco because I know how hard it is on him. I see a baby on t.v. and start thinking of the girls and how we will only have one of them. I hear a song and it makes me cry.
It seems more and more that little things remind me of what is to come. I HATE having to think about it at all. We watched a movie and Marco talked to Olivia and Harper telling them he could not wait to see them. All I could think is I can wait. If I could just keep them inside for ever I would not have to loose one of them. I would not have to give Olivia up. I try not to cry in front of Marco because I know how hard it is on him. I see a baby on t.v. and start thinking of the girls and how we will only have one of them. I hear a song and it makes me cry.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Appointment with specialist
On January 7th we were to go see the specialist. Hoping that he would say it was a mistake. I know wishful thinking. But hey why not? Our appointment was 40 miles away at 9:30am. Not a big deal. Well it was we had got 7 inches of snow and still snowing. And the wind was blowing 40mph. We saw all kinds of cars, trucks, and semis in the ditch on our way there. there were even state troopers who had been hit by other cars. We made it to our appointment with shear determination and Marco at the wheel. It only took an hour and a half. But we got there.
It was the longest sonogram of my life. I think it was two and half hours. Right away when they started the sonogram and started with baby A. And Marco yells out it's a girl! They did not even have to tell him he could see plan as day that she was a girl. It was pretty funny. At that moment I got worried. I was worried baby B was going to be the boy Marco wanted so badly. Baby A got a clean bill of health. Then they moved on to baby B. Did all the measurements that they needed. The sonographer had a hard time because both babies had there feet and arms in the middle of my belly together. Marco said it looked like rock'em sock'em robots. That is when we found out baby B was a girl too! Two more girls. The brings the total to four girls and one boy.
The doctor came in and talked to us about Baby B. Confirmed what our doctor said about her. We really not too upset. We had ten days for the news to soak in. And now we know what is going on so we needed to prepare. The doctor really made it seem like it was a lack of folic acid. Which I was shocked since I had been taking it since day one. The truth is they don't know what causes Anencephaly. Nor what prevents it!
It was the longest sonogram of my life. I think it was two and half hours. Right away when they started the sonogram and started with baby A. And Marco yells out it's a girl! They did not even have to tell him he could see plan as day that she was a girl. It was pretty funny. At that moment I got worried. I was worried baby B was going to be the boy Marco wanted so badly. Baby A got a clean bill of health. Then they moved on to baby B. Did all the measurements that they needed. The sonographer had a hard time because both babies had there feet and arms in the middle of my belly together. Marco said it looked like rock'em sock'em robots. That is when we found out baby B was a girl too! Two more girls. The brings the total to four girls and one boy.
The doctor came in and talked to us about Baby B. Confirmed what our doctor said about her. We really not too upset. We had ten days for the news to soak in. And now we know what is going on so we needed to prepare. The doctor really made it seem like it was a lack of folic acid. Which I was shocked since I had been taking it since day one. The truth is they don't know what causes Anencephaly. Nor what prevents it!
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